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Lose all money at an Online Casino. If you have lost a small amount of money-just as they say, “forget” or 1 time you can try to win back the same amount. If you lose a large amount of money, you develop gambling addiction. If you Started to get pulled into the casino too much – then show the willpower and refuse to bet.
money; Problem gambler Paul Fung lost almost a million dollars in three weeks.. Up until that point, the most he’d lost in one spree would be $15,000 in a wild night out at a casino.

re: I lost everything gambling... for the second time (sick)

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lost all money at casino
Boards > Community Central > The Vestibule > If I lost all my money at the casino and was bk > If I lost all my money at the casino and was bk. Discussion in 'The Vestibule' started by Sushiaddict
Money won in a casino is only more money to gamble with longer, or even tomorrow.Then I started playing with the lads. Even if you do win it back you'll just give it all back and more. Money lost in a casino is the money you spend all your hours of your day, besides sleep, to earn.

lost all money at casino I've just signed up to this site after advice from Katie on the live chat.
Slot machines are my thing.
I would go to the arcade at dinner time when I went to school, or into town on the weekends to spend all my pocket money.
I guess I graduated to more serious money when I left school and got a job in a pub glass collecting.
I'd be happy to lose 20, 30 quid on the bandit even if that was a big percentage of my wages.
As I got older I was promoted to the bar and eventually assistant steward.
As the position went up, the wages went up, the gambling went up.
The inclusion of a £1 a spin machine at work proved too tempting and I was regularly losing hundreds.
More recently I'd signed up to Betfred to try my hand at gambling away from work.
Once again, video slots were my thing.
Started easy with £2 a spin, but it gradually grew and grew.
£10 a spin, £20, £40.
Soon I was losing £100 with every spin of the reels.
I recently lost £11,000 from a£17,000 life savings account.
So imagine my delight when I managed to win and build it back up to £20,000.
That should of been the end of it.
But for the fact I'm here, we all know it wasn't.
I lasted roughly 1 week before I was gambling again.
I lost £11,500 over a week or so.
I lost the final £8,500 in around 20 minutes yesterday.
I'm absolutely mortified to say the least.
I've no idea where to go from here.
That money was supposed to go towards a new house next year.
This is where my problems lie.
I can't bare the thought of telling my parents who have basically wiped my arse for 30 years.
It's all going to come out eventually when I try to get a mortgage and they check my financial history.
Further still, my girlfriend who has always struggled financially, will never understand.
She's thousands in debt herself, so she'll never be able to come to terms with me losing £8,000 in 20 minutes.
I just can't face them.
I'm basically eyeing up as much stuff in my possession that I have to sell.
Try and claw some of it back.
If I saved £200 of my wages every week, I'll get it back in about 100 weeks.
That's just never going to happen.
I think I'm going to have to settle into this depression.
Just a few after thoughts since reading a few people's comments on here.
I guess I'm not as bad as some people losing hundreds of thousands, but the demons are the same for all of us.
Since I signed up to here a few hours ago I've checked Betfred about six times to see if they've given me any bonus cash to play with.
I'm not sure what I'd do if they did to be honest.
Gamble it, or bank it.
Either way, there's nothing there and I've nearly lasted a whole day without gambling.
Big whoop for me.
The thought of telling my loved ones still haunts me.
I really don't think I can face it.
Maybe see if I can keep this up before I commit to anything.
I've always taken pride in being straight.
I talk a bit of shit, but who doesn't.
One thing I've never been though is a liar, so this is quite difficult for me.
I think if I was asked out right I would confess all.
But at the moment I'm telling myself that it's not lying if nobody knows in the first place.
Edit again: sold a signed football shirt and used the £100 straight away on Betfred.
Won my £400 back.
I can't help myself.
It's going to be very hard to stop.
Before I started this diary it had roblox ninja dojo tycoon all codes 37 days straight gambling.
I can't just switch off can I?
We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support.
We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment.
The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward.
So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
And on that note.
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you :- Take care The Gambling Therapy Team PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our and so you know how it all works!
I was never able to hold onto the money I had available neither.
I could never leave a loser.
I would either be up for the session and quit or gamble, stepping up if necessary, to the bitter end.
It was in an account in a different country where it would take 2 or 3 days for it to clear into my current account and only then I could use it for gambling.
In addition to that the amount I was able to transfer on any single day was limited.
So whenever I was steaming out of my ears which was often I could only lose the money I had available and never the money that was put aside.
By the time I transferred the money back to my current account and it cleared I wouldn't be steaming so badly.
Also, whenever I won anything meaningful I would wire it to the account I didn't have an easy access to.
Anyway that money you had is gone and you can't have it back.
It is no longer yours.
What you can do is make sure you don't lose more.
Actually you can make sure you never lose another penny.
Easier said than done, I know.
I've been fighting my demons for decades and I gambled as recently as yesterday.
I would recommend that you read "the easy way to stop gambling" by allen carr.
It is quite a good book.
Did you honestly think there was a slightest chance you would not gamble with it?
I'm not trying to rub it in or anything, I just think it's highly unlikely you honestly thought you would not gamble the money readily available in your betting account.
Not to mention the fact that you probably can't cash out bonus money till you meet their betting requirements i.
And make sure you come here often and post often.
I'm not sure about the bonus to be honest.
I was genuinely hoping to just cash it in.
But it proved to tempting.
Just as if everyone knew, the topic of conversation over dinner was gambling last night.
I didn't know where to look.
I feel so ashamed.
Today's a new day.
I slept better last night.
It's the first time for about 6 nights I've not been alone in bed with my thoughts.
I Woke up with a sense of dread as I remembered what I'd done.
Got a horrible numb feeling in my stomach that's still lingering.
Sold a pair of Dirk Kuyt's match worn boots last night to another collector.
£270 towards the rebuilding of my bank account.
Or for something else maybe?
Felt suicidal but would do it again, had an epiphany, im betting to win BIG losing hundreds weekly wouldnt matter if it works out, if it doesnt then welli tried and took the risk, sensible.
It is so similar to mine and I guess many others.
It is the worst feeling in the world.
Over 3 years of gambling pokequitting, relapsing, losing etc etc I have lost my life savings but more importantly my self respect.
Now my busienss is in trouble, my marriage is over and I have to rebuild.
I read so many blogs by ex gambler and they all say the same things.
Take one day at a time and be kind to yourself.
We all make mistakes, god knows I have.
Over the last few weeks I have been deep in remorse for so many things, but that is gettng me nowhere.
No one's life is perfect, far from it, and we all ---- up.
I am trying now to move on, be kind to myself and rebuild what I have lost.
My life will never be the same again, but hopefully now it will be better and so will yours.
Keep posting whenever you need - don't keep thoughts in your head, it is much better to get them out.
The great thing about this site is that you can then see what you wrote and where you were at a certain time.
All my love to you and yours.
It is so similar to mine and I guess many others.
It is the worst feeling in the world.
Over 3 years of gambling pokequitting, relapsing, losing etc etc I have lost my life savings but more importantly my self respect.
Now my busienss is in trouble, my marriage is over and I have to rebuild.
I read so many blogs by ex gambler and they all say the same things.
Take one day at a time and be kind to yourself.
We all make mistakes, god knows I have.
Over the last few weeks I have been deep in remorse for so many things, but that is gettng me nowhere.
No one's life is perfect, far from it, and we all ---- up.
I am trying now to move on, be kind check this out myself and rebuild what I have lost.
My life will never be the same again, but hopefully now it will be better and so will yours.
Keep posting whenever you need - don't keep thoughts in your head, it is much better to get them out.
The great thing about this site is that you can then see what you wrote and where you were at a certain time.
All my love to you and yours.
Better yet, why not ask them to ban you?
The n you won't keep getting those tempting bonuses.
The finances will take care of themselves if you stop gambling.
Trying to keep things hidden will make it harder for you to do that.
In fact trying to keep things hidden can in itself send someone gambling as they try and recoup hidden losses or pay hidden debts.
What positive steps can you take?
A blocker for your PC so you can't reopen that gambling account or find another one?
Someone to hold your money?
Getting to GA meetings?
Keep posting and let us know what positive steps you are taking.?
I've thought a lot about it but I can't bring myself to close it for good.
There's been a few moments today when I've needed money but couldn't access any.
Not for gambling, just for some shopping and that.
So far so good on day one again.
Still got the numb feeling in my stomach and continual thoughts of how I'll never be able to get back what I've lost.
The initial shock and upset it will cause will eventually lead to what they can do constructively to help you repair the damage.
In my experience, if you keep it a secret and exist in this secret world of gambling, you'll only continue to chase losses and compound the problem further.
I've self excluded myself form many online gaming sites and now can't access most of them for 5 years.
You can also set daily gaming limits to reduce losses.
Again, it's not a perfect solution because it's best that you don't gamble at all, but added to other measures it helps.
I have still found ways to gamble, that is why I'm on this forum and seeking outside help, but you still have family and people close to you that can support you, care for you and guide you through this, so don't shut them out.
I let things escalate so far that I've pushed everyone close to me away, so I speak from experience.
This fight is hard enough with the help of loved ones, but it's far, far more difficult if you stand alone in isolation like I do.
You may think that you have the ability to win all your losses back before anyone finds out, but even if you do, you'll think that you can go again and next time win big.
I have won tens of thousands of pounds over the years and hardly ever quit while I was winning.
I always pushed my luck further and further until I eventually lost everything.
There's never a happy ending to gambling, it always ends in misery.
I wish you all the best and hope you find the strength to confide in loved ones.
Only another £17,000 to go.
But still, it's a start.
I've still not barred myself from Betfred.
It almost feels like I'm testing myself.
To see if I can have it and not use it.
Sounds silly, but I know I'll bar myself eventually.
Still feel sick and empty inside.
Been thinking a lot about the last couple lost all money at casino months.
I won the £500 jackpot at work a few weeks ago.
I came away with about £330 after what I put in.
Two days late I was bored, put a five pound note in and won another £200.
You'd think I'd be happy with that?
That's when you know it's a problem I guess.
I suppose when you've got to the point where your winning one, two, three grand in one spin online, nothing else really comes close.
In case your wondering, none of those amounts raised an eyebrow either.
The numbness I've felt for gambling lately hasn't been healty.
I used to play because I enjoyed the thrill of winning.
That thrill died a long time ago.
It had almost become a second job I needed to go to every day.
It's still my secret.
Maybe when I can safely say I've done 50 days.
Or ive saved £5,000 I can then share it with people.
As it stands at the moment, I've done nothing to deserve anyone's help or understanding.
I need to prove to myself I can do it first.
There are many times when I could have cashed out and won thousands, but because I had won large amounts in the past and because of how much I've lost over the years it was never enough.
I always push my luck to the brink until I eventually lose everything.
Not long ago I was £12000 up playing online roulette and all I did was increase my stake so I was spinning £200+ a spin, and in no time I lost the lot.
That has happened to me on many occasions, I very rarely cash out when I'm winning.
I gamble with trepidation and fear now, there's no fun factor in it.
I know I can't afford to gamble a penny, yet I gamble every last penny I have on an all too regular basis!
Just to pick up on something you said at the end of your latest post about you not deserving help, believe me, asking for help now and coming clean is the best thing you can do.
You're £17000 down at the moment, when do you think you'll qualify for help and understanding, when you're £50000 down, £100000 down?
Now is the time to gather those close to you and meet this problem as a collective rather than face it in silence alone.
Others may have a different view point, but from my experience, I can only say it as I see it.
At the moment £17000 seems a ridiculously large amount to lose, but in hindsight, if I had come clean when my losses were only £17000, I would still have my house, still probably have my long term relationship in tact and wouldn't be the complete wreck I am today.
Use your family, girlfriend and friends for support sooner rather than later, don't try to sort this out on your own.
I obviously wish you all the best and hope that you stay click here day to day.
Keep it going, you're doing great.
I would say you need to self exclude yourself from that online casino today!
If you dont the odds are you will deposit again.
Keeping it open means that possibly somewhere deep down you know you will gamble again!
Exclude and do it now and exclude from any other casinos you may have open.
Then install blocking software on your pcs to block ALL casinos.
Without this you could stumble again.
Wishing you all the best!!!
Others I wont comment on.
But gamblock is about as strong as it gets.
Nothing is ever 100% but it can give you another layer of cover and protection.
But the real quitting starts from within.
Self excluding from casinos is at the basic level and is a must in my book for any person who is struggling with an online based gambling addiction.
But hey thats just me.
Basicially soon as it is installed and you agree to the terms that is it!
You will not get access to any casinos nor any gaming related sites.
You will not be able to edit any of the settings nor will you be able to remove it.
The bigger packages i think are for corporates or for familys where there is a admin which kinds of defeats the object if your doing this solo.
Go for the lowest cheapest package for 1 year.
Note that when gamblock is installed certain parts of your system will be locked.
You wont be able to run CMDs command line functions or access the bios etc.
This may have changed in recent versions but I know when I used it a few years ago it did not allow me access to certain parts of my systems which I needed for my work.
But basically when its on your system that is it.
No more gambling online from that 1 PC.
And if in doubt contact gamblock customer support they were in the past pretty speedy with reply's during office hours.
If anyone here has other info on blocking software of if I have quoted something wrong or out of date then shout up.
As I said it has been a few years since I last used it.
Good luck with it all let us know how you get on!
Liverpool just beat City 2-1.
Great result and a great game.
A few reminders in the advert breaks about how hard it is for CG's.
There were so many adverts about betting and a few about not getting carried away.
Good advice, if only I'd seen that advert years ago.
But out of the blue, 10 minutes ago, the Betfred VIP sent me an email and a subsequent £100 cash to play with.
I guess they're missing me.
I didn't hesitate to get on to Betfred and imidiately withdraw the £100 into my bank account.
I think this is another reason I'm keeping my account open.
I still feel entitled to money back.
It's a very risky game I know.
I feel sick to my stomach seeing that money in my account ready to be played.
I've been spending the last hour looking at things I can sell off.
It upsets me that I'm having to sell off prized possessions, but I've brought it on myself.
It's a good job I've spent so much money on things over the years.
It's just another form of money in a way.
Only problem is, I've acquired some great items over the years and now I'm technically handing them out for free.
Still struggling to come to terms with the loss.
I'm finding it hard to see where and how I'm going to save all that money back up.
I'm pretty impatient so it's really getting to me.
It's on my mind a lot throughout the day.
Saving needs to be secondary to stopping though at the moment.
Nearly a week done.
I always said, if I can do a week, I can do a month.
If I can do a month, I can do a year.
That's not happened for about 17 years though.
I am starting from scratch again after the biggest binge of my life.
I love reading your posts, you are very honest and I know you will do this and you will come out of this richer - not just financially, but spiritually and emotionally.
Keep posting and keep going gamble free.
There are no answers on that road, only heart ache and misery.
I spoke to an online adviser on their site and they helped me self exclude.
Given the option of between 6 months and 5 years, I told them 5 years was short enough and went from there.
I've had an email since telling me I'll have to sign and resend an agreement to cancel.
Also in the email it mentioned if I want to cancel the 5 years exclusion at any time I should get in touch with them to sort that out.
Seems like defeating the object to me.
But I guess it's big business.
If they can have me back I'm sure they'd open their arms.
So that's that finally sorted.
One temptation taken away from me.
Until I ask them nicely it appears.
I've never been one for Casino's luckily.
I've been to Las Vegas once.
I spent all my money on McDonalds, gifts and clothes.
Never gambled a cent.
I've also been to a Casino near where I live with a work mate.
I watched him lose 20 quid on roulette in about 5 minutes.
I bought a steak and chips and a cup of tea instead and called it a night.
Bandits have always been my vice and as I write this I can see two of them sparkling away in the corner of my eye.
Those temptations will be there every time I go to work.
Which is a lot.
I need to be strong though.
I can remember the last time I went a few months without playing.
Maybe 6 months or so.
I cracked one night and went on the bandit.
Cost me about £12 to drop the £250.
I told myself that was my reward for staying off them for so long.
But that was enough to capture me back in.
I'm sure that £250 didn't last the week.
Anyway, day 6, eat it!
I've had a quick look at Betfred's policies, one out of interest but 2 to give you some reassurance that lost all money at casino are secure and you'd be better off using your energy eating McDonalds than trying to have an exclusion removed.
Adam you say in your post you've received an email from Betfred stating " if I want to cancel the 5 years exclusion at any time I should get in touch with them to sort that out" Self Exclusion Procedure direct words from the Betfred Website "On request, Betfred.
During the agreed period of time the customer will not be able to place any bets nor will the customer be allowed to revoke the agreement.
But upon checking my older posts i noticed that after i messed up on day 1, i just carried on to day 2 regardless.
Kinda shows where my heads been recently.
So anyway, i've gone back and edited my older posts so i have an accurate account of my days.
That said, today is day six.
Tomorrow will be day seven.
That will be a week for anyone that isn't quite following.
That's pretty good for a start but some way off before i'll be happy.
I'm actually in a much better mood at the moment.
Things will come crashing down when i eventually come to tell people, but for now, i'm happier in myself.
Just to follow up on an earlier comment, i think i may of misread the email.
I've just looked back at it and it say's if i want to rejoin AFTER the exclusion period.
So i guess i'm cool with that now.
Well done on the self exclusion.
There are no poker sites left for me to play now, as the ones left don't work for mac - good thing.
Keep posting, I am into 36 hours now.
And I have thought about gambling all day.
You are another hero sir.
Clearly very little will power right now.
That's one week down and I've already managed to save nearly 2 grand up.
Not sayin I'll be able to do that every week, but what a start.
Anyway, not really got much to say today.
Although, if anyone has any thoughts on this.
I still give £2 a week to a guy I work with because I'm in a lottery syndicate.
Anyone think this is cool or should I be swerving it full stop?
I tried to justify things like lottery, fantasy football, pools, etc as not real gambling.
At the point you are at, you may be feeling the same way.
I can assure you that continuing those types of activities ARE gambling, and they do work to perpetuate our gambling itch.
That's why at GA they discuss one of the steps being to make a fearless financial and moral inventory.
You will need to come to the conclusion yourself of course, and I'm quite thick headed so it has taken me 4 years to root out every last avenue of gambling that was in my life.
Now finally they are all out on the table in full view to me mentally of course.
I understand that if I buy stocks, my gambling brain will trigger, and I will start buying and selling to try and make a quick profit.
That IS gambling, although it took 3 years to finally admit that to myself.
Same goes for the sports pools etc.
I justified it by saying it was only with friends, only for a small stake, just for fun, for socialization, etc.
You may be done with gambling today I hope!
Thinking about all of these things, weighing them, writing them down, talking with people are all tools for you to get it straight in your mind what will be needed for you to succeed.
If you couldn't tell already, part of my therapy is to read others experiences and think about the times in my recovery that I ran across the same dilemmas and obstacles and how I handled them or botched them.
So I want to thank you for posting, it really helps me a lot!
All the best to you!
I think I guessed what the answer was, but it's good to have it confirmed by you.
We can't have enough education on this addiction and the do's and don'ts while in recovery.
A full understanding is so vital to success.
What could seem an innocent activity, really could send us on a downward spiral.
Many thanks for your post.
There was a couple of occasions that I wanted to spend like £40 or £50 on things.
A couple of weeks continue reading i wouldn't of batted an eyelid at that kinda price.
But now I've literally got nothing, even a ticket to the football or a takeaway meal seems like something I can't afford to put my money to.
My mother told me I'd need to get used to saving for when I have my own house.
Well I'm getting used to it, and I don't bloody like it.
I've thought about it a few times today.
Only gambling small amounts and quitting while I'm ahead.
These thoughts are pointless though.
I always come to the same conclusion.
It's just not worth the risk.
Hoping I stay strong.
For now thought, 9 days and counting.
I always found Saturday a hard day at work.
Not because my jobs particularly taxing, the complete opposite in fact.
I get in just before 1, then settle down in front of the TV with my weekly chippy dinner.
The only customer I get during the day joins me, so it's easy to manage the bar.
Then by about half 1, with no sign of any actual work to be done, I'll start getting itchy fingers.
I used to tell myself, just go a tenner.
But when it's a pound a go, a tenners not lasting much more than a minute or two.
Inevitably once I lose that I'd set on the path to chasing.
Everyone knows chasing a machine is how they make their money.
Chances are, once you get past £100, your never making that back again.
Reminds me of a few Saurdays back.
I came in to a message left for me by a fellow gambler at work.
The message was simply, I've put a fortune in the 20p bandit and it's definitely ready to go.
It only takes a few quid to realise when a machine is ready to pay out and indeed it was.
Only problem is, although it's full and ready to pay out, that doesn't nececerrely mean it has to do it right away.
It can take £2, it can take £200.
So there I was, half past 12, 'working'.
So I'm running back and forth between the bar and the bandit as people are wanting to be served.
It took me nearly 3 hours and £220 to finally drop the £250.
Five minutes later I put the £30 in the other £1 bandit and lost it straight away.
The life and times of a CG.
I had a full free day to devote to gambling.
I had money availble and free time.
I talked to my husband, I re-read all my thread, then I posted a pledge not to gamble in March.
I am going to buy a new vacuum today with my money and spend the time shopping for it.
You have to want to quit this addiction.
I read the cycle of addiction and saw myself plainly in the midst of it.
The thoughts come back around and wee have to plan ahead for them.
You are doing great.
I know having no money to buy the simple things is hard, but day by day the path you are on, will allow you to pay your way through life.
Just get to the end of today.
Tomorrow is too far away to think about.
It definitely helps I think.
Sunday night is tote double night at my work.
If your not familiar with this, basically you pick two numbers between 1 and 30 and if they both come out, you win £100.
This is something I do every week, shared link my boss at £1 each.
I guess it might be a good time to seek opinions on wether this is still a good idea to pursue?
I guess in a way it's still gambling.
But it's manageable as we only ever do £1 each and it's split two ways.
It's not something I could ever lose thousands on, but is it a gateway perhaps.
But for now, eleven days and counting.
Only once per week and only the smallest amount of course.
How would you advise him?
It's funny how because a lot of regular people gamble, society and social norms say that a bit of lottery or a raffle is very ok and in fact encouraged.
However, the same regular people that do heroin are viewed by society as low life junkies.
In fact addictive drugs and gambling trigger very similar types of reactions in your brain.
Have a great day!
Fritz pretty much answered your question.
When in recovery, abstaining from any form of gambling is the best option.
Fritz included the Football Pools, The lottery, even Fantasy Football as being dangerous ground, so I assume he would also advise you to NOT partake in your Tote Opinion all bonuses beyond two souls apologise Night at work.
The fact it is only a £1 makes absolutely no difference in my opinion.
The choice is obviously yours, but we all know, any sort of bet, no matter how harmless or small, will lead on to bigger things.
What's more it keeps you in the gambling, risk mentality, which I think you should avoid at all costs.
You've done brilliantly by the way.
I'm on Day 10 too.
Just another thing to keep me busy when I'm feeling the urge.
I was watching the football last night.
It annoys me how frequent there are adverts for gambling, before and after the game.
Not to mention half time where they really push the odds.
It's pretty annoying to see.
You don't see adverts for drug addicts do you?
Is gambling not as addictive as say alcohol or cigarettes?
Might just be me, but I get the feeling if I told someone I was addicted to drugs they'd be more sympathetic.
But if I said I was addicted to gambling, they'd just say, well just stop gambling.
Can addiction really be put in an order?
I'm just babbling now.
But 12 days and counting.
It is hard to lose all your money with alcohol or cigarettes.
You certainly don't chase thousands with that.
Anyway, well done mate.
You are another hero.
Keep posting and stay strong.
I used to think that once I'd done a week, the problem was behind me.
I feel sick to my stomach today as I write this.
I thought it best to come on here and write in my journal.
I've been very itchy and in my head all day today.
I've been constantly thinking about how I'm going to claw back the money I've lost.
It's going to take a couple of years to even be anywhere close.
All I can think at the moment is, if I just start gambling my wages every week maybe I can occasionally win the odd grand to put into my savings.
I know if even once I lost my wages one week I would just dive into my savings to make it back up.
I'll never be able to escape this nightmare.
I still don't feel comfortable telling anyone.
I just can't face another emotional kick in the bollocks.
I think I've pretty much decided I can't tell my partner.
She'd never be able to understand and relate to my problems.
She won't see them as problems, she'd see it as just wasting money instead of something I couldn't control at the time.
I did something silly earlier.
I google searched for Dynamite Digger, which is the video slot I played all the time.
It took me to Labrokes online casino.
I went as far as looking at the sign up page that would let me 'quick sign up with paypal'.
I thought about the £66 I currently know is available in my paypal.
really. all no deposit bonus codes good what's £66 when my average spin was always £40.
It's probably been the worst day since I last gambled today.
Not helped by the fact someone just went of the bandit at work and I heard that pound coin bypass the hopper and nestle in the bottom box, clearly shouting over to me "I'm full and ready to drop".
Someone whose progress I am following as avidly as I might a serial.
Someone in whose struggle I see myself, and for whom I want to success against the odds in the manner of a old fashioned Greek hero.
However, after I posted the system seemed to shut down at it never got posted.
In essence, I am rooting for you.
I know that you know that the next bet is the one to avoid.
You will never be up enough - and when you are you will only gamble again to lose.
I know understand how you can never win from gambling.
There are so many stories on here of people being 12K, 20K up and then instead of pocketing the money and leaving it for a few weeks, before ertruning with a clear head, you think you have it sussed and so increase the bets until its gone - and then some.
CGs cannot win - I cannot win.
The other night I was 1K up from an inital £10 deposit.
I proceeded to lose that and then almost a lot more.
The reason you are one of my heroes is that you remind me of me.
The way you write, the way you describe yourself.
I think we are very different apart from we are CGs.
I see you as Hercules fighting the Hydra of gambling.
You can never beat the Hydra totally, but day by day you can chip at it until, after a long while, it is small and depleted.
But what I now understand is that you can never bet again - because if you do, it will grow and grow.
Please continue to be a hero for me - I come to this site a lot as reading about stroies of success give me strength.
I am close to wrecking everything I have.
I am 42 and everything I have worked towards is almost gone.
I am that story.
I don't want to go further - which is to be homless, in poverty, in prison, thinking about suicide.
I want my story now to be the turnaround - but that will not happen overnight.
I have so much work to do on myself.
I need to understand what the urge to gamble is.
It is when I am happy, or sad, flush or broke.
I have played online poker in my pants having a shit, on the bus with a dodgy dongle, in cafes, in parks, sneakily at home without the wife seeing.
I am ashamed of the times I have gambled and lost it, absolbed, ignorant to my young child.
Over 3 years it has robbed me of so much and it robs us all.
Becaiuse it is not a simple form of entertainment for us.
It is class A drugs - it does the same to our brain as herion or crack, and that is whym in the sane way as All cheat codes gta playstation cannot ever take heroin again, I can never gamble again.
I feel calmer now understanding this.
I knew this before, but didn't undersatnd it.
I wish you all my love and strength, and hope to read tomorrow that you were able to delay the urge to gamble.
And that tomorrow will be day 12 for you and day 8 for me.
New tyre, inner tube, brake cable and break pads.
Not as bad as I was expecting, but still, it's fifty quid I didn't really wanna part with.
Spent plenty of time today thinking about ways to get my money back.
Obviously gambling always at the forfront of any ideas.
Something else popped back into my head that I hadn't thought about for a while.
When I was gambling frequently throughout the years, I always had one rule.
Never go under £10,000 in my life savings.
After both my grandparents died I was left £10,000 in their joint will to give me a good start later in life.
I always said I'd never touch that money.
But somewhere in the last couple of months, I was so desperately hooked on the chase that I totally forgot I was pissing all over their memory.
I don't believe in God or the afterlife, so I'm happy knowing they're not looking down on me with great disappointment.
Although they probably should be.
When will it get easier?
I am really struggling at the moment with the chaos that my gambling has caused.
The truth is the longer we go without the gamble, the harder it gets as we will always have to remind ourselves what we are: CGs.
We can never have one bet again.
I have met so many recovering CGs who went years without a gamble and convinnced themselves they were cured, so they could gamble responsibly again.
It usually comes crashing down on our heads really quickly.
I am only on day 8 and now I have to deal with the wreckage that is my life.
You are still young and you have a job.
Gambling is no way of life.
The odd bet for most people is fine.
I know I cannot do that anymore.
Keep posting mate, keep us informed.
How are you feeling?
I love reading your posts.
All my love and strength.
Need to pay someone £160 for some previously arranged autographs by Stevie Gerrard.
A reminder of a time not so long ago that I was quick to spend big on my hobby.
On a positive note, I'll get much more than that when they go on eBay soon to cover costs.
Gotta save up for a match I'm going to at the end of the month too.
Savings aren't seeing many new friends at the minute.
I was pretty irritable last night.
I had a regular gambler staying late at work.
Usually I don't mind stopping back a bit so they can play, as I always like to watch and join in.
But everything about it was annoying me last night.
Not least the 30 minutes extra I was at work without pay.
Anyway, he ended up with nothing, obviously.
I locked up and went home annoyed that my time was wasted.
If only I'd felt like that when it was my own money.
There had been a few occassions I'd left work as the sun was coming up, hundreds maybe over a thousand quid down.
Just really sad, depressing, embarrassing walk of shame home to think about the amount of times I'd have to visit the cash machine to draw out the £300 limit.
Here's to hoping I've walked that last walk.
You are facing temptation at work everyday and still managing to resist the urge to gamble.
Fair play and long may it continue.
Been preoccupied so it's been fine.
Just checkin in to check in.
Nobody at work again.
I'm not feeling too itchy though so it's cool.
Had my dinner, got my one customer in, watching tele.
All good in the hood.
Had some weird dreams last night.
I dreamt that I had four grand in my savings and I was moving it into my normal account so I could gamble.
I never got up to the point where I won or lost, just the moving money between accounts with the intentions of gambling online.
It was a pretty horrible feeling.
I also had a dream that I'd told my mother.
She was disgusted with me and we're going over all the things I wasn't allowed to do or buy until I'd made the money back.
I told my boss I was gonna knock the tote double on the head for obvious reasons.
He just laughed a bit and said it was only a quid a week.
Although I agree to a certain extent that it's only a pound and I'd make it back in tips within 10 minutes, that's not the point.
He's one of only two people I've told and he doesn't inderstand.
All I get from the other guy is, I wish you'd stopped the first time you won it all back.
Well thanks for that.
So basically I can't talk to anyone because nobody takes gambling seriously as an addiction.
I'm sure if I was a coke head they wouldn't say, it's just one bump a week, can't do any harm!
On another note, I sold another pair of match boots on eBay.
Didn't get what I was hoping for.
Not too pleased about that.
But at least it'll cover the Gerrard's I mentioned earlier.
Not got much on my mind today.
Early shift at work.
Just finished Boardwalk Empire.
Sad about the ending, but I guess you really can't be half a gangster.
Back to work after tea, then that's me till midnight.
I'm starting to come to terms with it all a bit more now.
The realisation that I'm never getting my money back.
I'm really impatient, so it's killing me a little knowing that this is going to be a long drawn out battle.
One saying I want to gamble and one saying I shouldn't, right?
Think about the side saying I want to gamble.
Why do you feel that way?
Write down all of the positive aspects of gambling and test each one.
In the end they are all false, but you will need to reach that conclusion on your own.
Until then you will be using the willpower method of quitting, which means you will have to struggle with a constant inner conflict of wanting to gamble but not allowing yourself to gamble.
It is a very hard way to live.
I tried this for a long time with poor results.
You can go along time without gambling but continue feeling deprived of something you think is important and good, so the desire and urges never stop.
Consequently peace is elusive.
This is just my experience, take it or leave it of course.
This thinking comes from the Easy Way, it clicked for me, maybe it will click for you too.
I wish you all the best in your recovery.
It's nice to be able to record my thoughts i guess, but really it's just those day numbers clocking up that i always rely on to help me.
I used to count them on the works calendar whenever i had a bad spell and wanted to stop.
My previous record was just over 42 weeks i believe.
Never gone a year as long as I've been gambling.
But I've been reading over some peoples older posts and although there's a lot of tragedy through those pages, there's also a lot of glamor between the lines.
I read a long post that someone did last year describing the thrill and rush of gambling on slot machines.
The post finished up telling how terrible they felt after the event, but all I read at that point was blah, blah, blahh.
I'm not trying to offend anyone, but by the time I'd read the first bit, all those sweet memories of gambling came flooding back.
The next paragraph could of been the meaning of life and I'd still not been interested!
At this point right now, right now in my head, all I want to do is gamble.
I think I've even gone past the point of wanting my money back.
Just want the feeling of seeing that reel spin and have your heart skip a beat as the reel settles, displaying a healthy win or a disappointing loss.
I miss the feeling of not being able to spend money too.
I mean, sure, I've scraped back two grand so far, so I could easily afford a little luxury or two.
But I'm stuck in save mode at the moment.
I'm really dedicated to building my savings back up.
The downside to this is that I'm still selling things I've collected over the years for, in some cases, less that they're worth.
Which bugs me with every sale.
I'm still adamant that my very top, rare items won't be going anywhere.
I know they're only 'things' but I've worked hard for these 'things' and I think losing them will do me more harm than good in the long run.
So here's to 20 days.
Tempted, but not turned.
I felt the same as you until I finished The Easy Way.
The book is great as it is very repetitive as it bangs home its message.
I now question why I ever gambled.
For years I got nothing from it.
I know if I gamble again I will get sucked right in.
I want a life without gambling, most be don't gamble.
What has it ever given me?
Nothing, not even any great wins.
I have a few big win, most I never cashed out.
I do understand that you can have big wins, but if you keep gambling what;'s the point?
I still do fantasise about the big win and keeping it.
I remember Charlster wrote how he was 12K up at one point but then just upped the stakes.
You too wrote how you got your money back to 20K, then smashed the lot in 2 or so weeks.
If you could be guaranteed to win and then walk away, great.
But if we are a CG we can't.
If all you do with a win is put codes all coupon back, what's the point?
I was very lucky again over the weekend, at one point I was massively down.
I ended up up, but my GA sponsor said I didn't win - merely finished with more than I started.
But if I gamble again that would go.
I checked my bank yesterday - the deposited had gone but not the withdrawel.
If you think about what gambling ever gave you, apart from a short rush of "did I win" or "did I lose" nothing.
And if you are using such huge amounts of money, the stress will kill you.
We are all here with you, don't be fooled by the 'glamour' that people sometimes write.
I think that's what made me relapse too.
I article source that win and walk away.
But next time I play, if I play with the same intensity, I could lose everything.
I can't play at those stakes any more.
Keep posting, stay strong and get the Allen Carr book.
It was much better than I thought.
You have been an inspiration to me as you have got your head around your compulsion.
Thanks for being here.
Just seeing one person understand my bullshit on here is good for my morale.
I was talking to a guy at work last night.
The dude is absolutely loaded.
He was telling me that he's starting to get addicted to the £1 a spin bandit where I work.
He told me he can put up to £100 a night in there and he comes in between 3 and 5 nights a week.
This guy might put a lot in, but he seems to do it at the right times because he always tends to be lucky.
Sure enough, a bit later in the night, he was handing me a ticket for £500.
Only cost him £7 to win it.
With that kinda win, addicted or not, your definitely going back on it another time aren't you!?
I've seen people who never even contemplate gambling get a little win on that machine and never looked back.
Not to the extent of some idiots like me, but there's definitely a trigger that goes off after you see that first win.
That trigger went off for me pretty early in life.
I used to go to a lot of arcades in town when I was young.
I live in a seaside town that is packed with them.
Packed with arcades, but more importantly, un-policed arcades.
So it was easy to gamble as a kid.
The only obstacles at the time being other kids that wanted to either take your money OR help you win the jackpot.
I shall take one example.
I used to go to maybe 4 or 5 regular arcades that had specific machines that we had mastered.
We being me and my friend, let's call him Chris.
Because that's his name.
Anyway, we'd walk into the first place with our money firmly stuffed in our socks.
If it was quiet, time to play.
If there were a few unsavoury types in, move to the next place.
So we ended up in a place we didn't often frequent and tried a few machines that were new to us.
I was you all loot bonuses in clash of clans curiously one machine with a kinda 'Space and Rockets' theme to it.
I remember I got a win, got on the board and won £10.
£10 was a pretty reasonable win at the time so I was happy.
Only 'problem' was, I got the repeat option.
I swear, every time read more repeat option came up, the lights were flashing brighter than any other machine and the sound effects louder.
It seemed to go on for an eternity.
Every time I tried for a repeat I got it.
I remember clearly thinking, I wish this would end so we could get out of there.
With every repeat I could feel more eyes on me.
My friend being my look out just click at this page case.
Like I said, it must of lasted a life time, but in the end the repeat finally stopped and I ended up with just over £100 I believe.
After a nervous what seemed like 16 hours!
That's the kind of thing that happened regular when I was a kid.
I loved the thrill of going out and playing, not necessarily winning, just being there and getting a buzz.
I guess I should of known when to stop.
When the buzz stopped.
When it became a chore instead of a pleasure.
But we live and learn.
I have often sat beside players in casinos.
Watched them stuff fifty after fifty euro notes into slot machines up to 6, 7, 8 hundred.
Whom did I fool?
Most of these Big Shots are CGs in denial.
Most CGs are BLUFFERS, Adam.
And I place myself in the top category!!
Gamblers, myself included, will talk from dusk until dawn about the great wins we've had when in the company of others.
Never will we talk about the losses that outnumber the wins massively.
No one wants to be a loser, so we portray ourselves as winners, not just to appear great at what we do, but to convince ourselves that gambling is justified.
That's my experience anyway.
The chances are that guy may have had a lucky night in your establishment, but one thing is certain, he is hugely down over all, that is a fact.
Keep it going, we're gambling free for a similar length of time.
I know what your saying.
I don't think the £7 to win £500 is a lie though.
I've had it myself before.
I put two £2 coins in and dropped the £500 on my third press.
I also remember one time I found a 20p piece in the tray.
So I put it in and tried two spins on 10p.
I got five 7's right across.
But for every good story I can remember, there's probably 10 stories I don't want to remember.
Once you've put £500 in a machine that pays out a maximum jackpot of £500, you know your fooked!
Countless times I've taken my max out the cash machine only to wait till midnight so I could go do the same again.
I probably shouldn't say, but I've also borrowed money from the safe at work click at this page gamble.
I've always paid it straight back though.
But the fact that thousands of pounds were readily available to me on a nightly basis were always a temptation.
Many times I'd thought about quitting my job, but I've been there for 14 years, worked up from the bottom to the second in charge.
I know in a few years I'll be running the bar if of course the place stays open.
I really need to draw a line under this for good.
I can just imagine now what I could do with an increased wage.
But as it's been said countless times, you've gotta take each day as it comes.
For me, this is day 22.
A day over three weeks and counting.
I definitely feel better about not playing.
But after three weeks, I'm still cut pretty deep about what I've thrown away.
Basically all he can muster up, every time he brings it up, is that after the first time I clawed my money back, I should of quit then.
Cheers bud, sound advice.
I told him, no you wouldn't.
If you'd been gambling the sums of money I had for the continual length of time I had, you wouldn't of stopped at all.
This is a guy that chases a hundred pound loss until he's nothing left.
Telling me he'd of stopped.
After I told him I was a compulsive gambler he even had the nerve to tell me I wasn't.
This is what annoys me most I think.
If I told people I was a drug addict they'd sympathise.
When I tell people I'm a gambling addict they laugh and tell me I'm not.
But it's obvious I was never going to stop.
Anyone with half a brain knew after everything I'd put myself through to get back to where I was, it was never going to be enough.
There can never be too much.
After I'd made my money back, all I could think about was making more.
Sure, I lasted about a week, bought a few luxury items, but I was always going to go back.
I needed that loss.
People will never be able to wrap their heads round it.
But I needed to lose it all before I could come to terms with what I am.
If I still had that money in there, I'd still be gambling with it.
We can never win enough and there is only too little.
Your post tells me that you have a real understanding of your problem, it took me 30 years to understand mine!!
You're also right when you say that you needed to lose it all before reality kicked in.
I hope you wont be as stubborn as me and live for years thinking that you'll one day win everything back.
I can save you a lot of wasted time and heartache by telling you straight that things only get worse if you gamble, they'll never get better.
I think you know that deep down anyway.
I genuinely mean it when I say that you are doing great.
You are faced with temptation every time you go to work, so I take my hat off to you for the way lost all money at casino handling this.
I know that after my 'win' on Sunday, if I hadn;t told everyone I would have soon lost that and more.
I still get thoughts berating myself for not trying to win more, but then I think "who's to say you would have won?
ONly we understand this compulsion.
You're doing great, mate.
Maybe your mate is a CG in denial?
I know a few people I confided in laughed in my face.
Makes you feel a bit sorry you told them but that's Life.
You sure learn who your friends are when you're down!
Just give him the bird next time you see him Don't waste your breath arguing!
He's a pretty big gambler himself.
That's why I've been tight with him for a while.
Swapping stories and sharing losses.
A few months ago we went halves on the card machine.
If your not familiar with the concept, you pay £1 and get one card.
You then peel off 5 compartments and if you get three of the same in a line, you've won something.
So we set off pouring money into it with the slim hope of getting the jackpot £300.
We were easily about £80 each into it already, as well as putting in the winnings from that run.
After we'd got our latest batch, a little old woman, obviously watching what we were doing, goes and puts three pound coins in.
You can guess what she got.
I just looked at those three gold bars in a line as she handed it over and couldn't help but smile with acceptance.
Partly because I didn't need to spend anymore.
This fella was livid though.
He was cursing her out all night.
But there's a common expression that circulated this place between anyone that plays these machines.
It's that simple really.
Hopefully I can "save my money, take my chance" to build a better future.
A gamble free future.
I think everything I've read in here hits the nail on the absolute head.
You're right though, about the drugs thing, it's funny how they get pity, we get brushed off.
I think it's more people aren't sure how to react to gambling, it's not a sociably acceptable thing to know about if that makes sense.
Drugs you see talked about everywhere, so everybody has an opinion.
Gambling is never talked about, the silent disease.
Recently come off a 5, nearly 6 year binge I'll write a seperate post soon enoughI've won thousands, lost even more and I'm only 24.
I've spunked 10,000 up the wall my Grandparents left me, something I will never live down as long as I live.
The longer those days tick by, the better you feel.
I like you Adam am extremely inpatient, I'm looking at my bank account thinking it's going to take a couple of years to get back to where I was, and you know what, so click here it, I always wanted the nice things in life, the only way I'm getting that is by pure hard work, If it was ever going to be through gambling, if gambling was such an easy way to make money do you think any of us would be here?
You've done brilliantly so far Adam.
Don't let other people around you get you down.
Do it for yourself, do it so you can turn around in a couple of years time and go you know what, I did it, I really fucking did it, and it's all through hard work.
I guarantee you will feel better than any buzz you've ever won through gambling.
I will keep an eye on your posts, even if I will not post myself.
If you ever would like a chat, just drop my name in your post.
I'll be sure to reply.
It's nice to see I'm not the only one.
I'll keep you in mind.
Been busy today so I'm just getting this in before midnight.
Wanna keep my day counter going.
It's the only thing keeping me sane through this voyage of acceptance.
I was a bit gutted yesterday.
I was speaking to my mum about my brother who had just bought a house.
She was running through all the costs he's built up so far.
Pretty much the whole 10,000 quid my grandparents left him.
She reminded me not to make the same mistakes when I buy a house.
It made me feel so low and ashamed.
The lad I mentioned in previous posts wasn't in tonight.
I gather he put a LOT of money in the bandit last night and lost.
Serves him right for belittling me the other day.
Like someone said, CG in disguise.
Hopefully he'll learn his own lessons and maybe he can have a better attitude when he talks to me next.
I guess thats 4 weeks.
Then in theory thats a month!
Pretty good start I'd say.
Been selling some more stuff from my collection.
I'm nearly on 3 grand saved.
That's pretty good for a month.
If only I'd put this much effort into saving before I'd lost it all.
Maybe the time will come when you can tell your work mate about GT.
Every dog has his day!
Bit miffed as I'm working tonight on my day off.
It's hard work being one of the only people good at my job.
I'm finding at the moment that my days are being filled with thoughts of progress instead of negative thoughts about what I had, what I could of had and what I'll never have again.
It's reassuring to me that I've managed to scrape together 3 grand in just over a month.
It gives me real optimism about the future and hopefully I can continue on and make an even bigger more stable savings account.
I'm also, for now, happy that I have the control to still play the tote and put to a joint lottery, knowing that I won't get out of hand.
I know what my vices were and hopefully I'm managing to irradiate them.
You have really stuck this one out, and to save 3K in a month is quite astounding;- At this rate you'll habe all your money back in no time as long as you stay away from the gamble.
Things aren't great for me, suffering massive depression at the chaos I;ve causd, but you have cheered me up mate.
You've quit at the right lost all money at casino and as long as you stay away you'll be fine.
But no complacency, that was my downfall the first few times I quit.
It really sneaks back up on you, so watch out for the tote and lottery.
Didn't get chance to update, but I'm doing it now.
Had a text off someone in my lottery syndicate.
We won £150 between us.
It's the most we've ever won but it's still only a few quid each.
I'm not packing my things to move abroad just yet.
Also, the win doesn't make me feel any gambling twitches.
Maybe because it's a small amount.
Maybe because I've just spent £160 in Liverpool in one day.
Either way, I think I'm gonna be ok.
Cheers again for the words guys.
Was in work at half 8 for the Thwaites delivery.
Coors were supposed to turn up between half 8 and half 12.
So I've cleaned the lines and waited 4 hours for them not to show up.
So I went home for what will now only be a 2 hour break.
Then at 2 o'clock they ring me up.
Leave it outside or take it back.
You've arsed me about enough today, I ain't coming back now!
So that annoyed me.
Then I had a delivery from Same Day Beers at 4.
Not actually sure what the Steward does for his money!
Anyway, I just counted my tips I save in a jar at work.
£76 in pound coins I have.
Usually this would signal the round up rule.
The round up rule as we all know or maybe not is when I have an odd amount of money, you gamble the odds.
So in this case, save £70 and put £6 in the bandit.
But of course as we all know, once I've lost that £6.
It's time to carry on the round up rule.
£70 left, so I'll just put a tenner in and I've got £60 left.
I'll just put another tenner in coz £50 is even rounder!
Ok well silly not to do a last tenner coz then I've got two £20 notes.
Definitely last bag of 20, then I've at least got a £20 note in my back pocket.
Well I've come this far, all or nothing.
It's all still there.
I'll be needing it.
You are doing great.
£76 is a fortune!
Equal to hundred euro!!!!
I still cringe when I think of the owners emptying those machines and laughing all the way to the bank!
I forgot to kiss it goodbye!!
You no longer accept the arguments that you used to persuade yourself to gamble more.
It's good that the lottery win didn't have much of an impact on your emotions.
This shows that gambling is becoming less important to you than it was in the past.
At work there will be good days and bad days but if all days are gamble-free than the bad days will be less bad.
I like to think my attitude has changed.
I still get it every day from the regular gamblers that go in my workplace.
Telling me it's worth a go on such a machine and why aren't I playing this and doing that.
I'm trying to explain to these people that I'm putting it behind me, but with so many other instances of me saying I'm done they tend to take it with a pinch of salt.
The guy who knows what I've done who ive mentioned before wasn't in last night.
Blew a fortune in here on Monday night.
I wonder if he'll learn his lesson?
Probably not, but that's up to him I guess.
My opening time regular has just finished his daily loss of around £100.
Why didn't I see these things more clearly the last few times I'd tried to stop.
Probably the shock of the amount this time has effected me more than anything else.
I'm becoming like one of those reformed smokers who gets on their high horse when they see people smoking.
I'm starting to dislike the people who gamble and try to associate with me over it.
In other news my brothers house is nearly ready for him to move in.
This will start a reshuffle of accommodation for my family.
The point being, I'll be living alone soon, maintaining a house that I probably can't afford to.
I'm going to be spending roughly 2 weeks wages a month on staying alive.
Gonna really test my ability to carry on saving money.
Of course, this being said, all the conversations usually end on my eventual own house.
My parents are saying I won't make the mistakes my brother did and my money will go further.
At the end of the day, they've no idea I couldn't afford to buy a shed with a bed inside at the moment.
I guess when the time comes that they wanna sell the house and I have to buy my all codes mobile, we'll have much to discuss.
I'm coming to the end of things I want to sell to raise funds.
Trouble is, I'm still 15 grand short of my target.
I know it needs to be a gradual thing and a building process.
My personality wants instant results though.
I've mentioned before, patience isn't a virtue I possess.
I realize you would need to have the dreaded talk with your folks, but my experience is that "the conversation" takes a huge burden off.
Your parents will still be your parents after they know your dirty secret, and they will still love you.
You may get a lecture or some angry words, but it will pass fairly quickly, i believe.
Once they understand the situation they may decide its best to sell the place when your brother moves out.
They will understand that you will need some cheaper accommodations until you get your savings built up.
They will be happy in seeing you owning your mistakes and trying to make amends.
Staying in a place you can't afford is very stressful, and could lead to relapse because your old gambling personality may come back to overpower your new personality by saying "the only way for you to get out of this pickle is with a big win".
The conversation will need to happen sometime, right?
Why not have it today and slay that dragon?
It requires admitting we made huge mistakes to the people we least want to disappoint.
But after some initial discomfort, the results are a deep sense of happiness and inner peace.
All the best to you in your journey.
But I think I need more time being their son before I'm their degenerate gambler son.
I Know I'm being selfish but it's just how I feel at the moment.
My carrying the burden seems better than sharing it with them.
They shouldn't have to put up with my shit.
I'm sure eventually when the talk comes, I'll of built up my savings more and achieved an amount of clean days I can be proud of myself.
At the moment I don't see what I've done as anything to be proud of.
I'll be happy when I've gone 6 months.
Or a years better.
At the moment I still feel like a relapse is right round every corner.
Just gotta keep going straight.
Was talking to my parents over tea and the subject of a lad my dad knows came up.
He goes in my workplace and was and is a heavy gambler.
He was for a long time my running buddy on the bandits at work.
There had been many occassions I'd let him stay after I'd locked up and we'd put hundreds in the machines.
Anyway, my dads askin about him and of course asks if he's still gambling.
I said I don't gamble with him anymore and haven't for a long time.
I did however mention he'd lost about £400 last week one night.
My mother was disgusted at the amount he'd wasted.
So once again, my choice not to share my secret has been reaffirmed.
Just catching up on your thread.
U ate doing amazingly well.
I know what you mean about mocking you.
It's like people can see through to your "shame".
Well for me anyway.
Could you tell me what you are thinking which is keeping you in the gamble free zone.
Keep working at your recovery.
Don't worry about others.
It is so motivating to read of our success.
I still get the odd feeling at work to just try a few quid.
Once I blocked my computer ones, all I need to do is steer clear at work.
I also think theres part of me that's thinking, "enjoy this while you can, you know your gonna be back on them eventually".
Therefor I don't think I'm in any position to give out advice.
I wish you luck though.
I know its not something you can turn on and off so I hope you can find something that helps keep your mind busy.
Also, I know it's only a small thing, but coming on here every day JUST to add a number to my days helps.
Those days amounting up makes me feel like I'm winning.
I can't imagine working in a place with gambling machines, that must be really tough.
I admire your resolve to stay gamble free.
It never stops with just one bet, and it always leads to disaster for us doesn't it?
I have gotten to thinking about the point of it all and what I would be trying to achieve by betting again.
I know that I will never win what I lost, and I know the house always wins, so it has really taken the thrill of trying away from me.
I guess I am finally learning.
Learning but forever vigilant!
I am pulling for you, it's great to see your success!
Every time, EVERY time I lock up the bandits at night I subconciously touch my back pocket to see if there's any money in there.
I just need to make sure I turn them off quickly before my mind starts ticking.
I've stood in front of them before with a note free for all tournament codes my hand just running over the odds in my head.
Before I know it I've been stood there 10 minutes.
I used to play a silly game with myself.
Because the machines note intake is a bit dodgy, it often spits notes back out.
I used to challenge myself, if it spits the note back out, that's the universes way of telling me not to play.
But the sad thing is, I'd find myself going best out of three with a bloody machine.
I remember doing it a lot.
I don't remember ever taking the universes advice.
I hadn't the patience to deal with "spitting back"!
Ever think of changing your job, Adam?
Being alone with bandits is very dodgy for a CG!
I suppose you will survive by NEVER carrying money in your back pocket.
Its a struggle sometimes others its easier.
Well done to you.
But I didn't do very well in school, partly down to terrible short term memory and mostly down to laziness.
My mate got me a job glass collecting after I left school.
It was supposed to be lost all money at casino I found a full time job but after I handed in my notice at 18, they asked if I wanted hours on the bar.
So I stayed and worked every hour I could get on the bar.
At 21 I handed my deals bahamas inclusive bonus all in again only to be asked to stay a bit longer as a favour because they were short staffed.
At 22 I became the youngest under steward they'd had.
I guess I've just kinda settled into the place.
I wouldn't know what to do with myself.
I've never made a CV, never had a proper job interview.
They've just kinda looked after me here so I feel like I owe it to the place to stay on.
I'm constantly told I'm the only useful member of staff so it could only get worse if I left.
Anyway, the guy I've mentioned a lot on here had a good night last night.
He won the £500 jackpot, went back on and won another £250.
Usually this would fill me with so much hate for the person that's just taken "MY" money!
But I guess I was kinda happy for him after a couple of bad weeks.
Although as we know, it's only a loan.
As for me, I'll use the £10 tip he gave me to guy a kebab and celebrate 6 weeks!
I hate snooker season because it means I have to work the games room bar.
I'm here to work, not sit and watch people slap balls about with big sticks.
I usually end up coming upstairs to help out the boss on the main bar.
Trouble is, even though I'll sit there doing nothing for twenty minutes, Sod's law states that 'as soon as you leave a bar unmanned for more than 12 seconds, someone will want a drink'.
So I just end up getting abuse.
That being said, I'm glad it's all over tonight.
Don't narrow your options!
Loyalty is a good trait!
Keep your eyes off that other pundit.
Keeping track of his wins could be tempting.
Remember CGs never win!
I could hear people playing the 20p bandit last night.
The coins going straight through the hop and into the box below.
Shouting out to anyone with a trained ear "PLAY ME I'M READY TO DROP".
Didn't bother me too much though.
Possibly because I know it would take hours and probably about 200 quid to drop the £250.
It's just not worth the effort sometimes.
That being said, it's not worth ruining the decent run of days I'm on.
I'll be on 100 days in no time.
I might actually accomplish something I've never done since wasting my first pound.
Go a whole year!
Can it be done?
Anyway, enough of Elton.
Boss is off this weekend so I'm large and in charge.
Extra time to be alone with those dastardly bandits!
I keep thinking, if I just play that 20p bandit, I know I'll drop it.
Worst case scenario, I only win a little bit.
Best case, 200-220 quid.
But that's not the point.
It's what it leads to that's the problem.
So for now, I'll leave it alone.
Working on a deal to sell some items for £550.
Another missive step back towards where I want to be.
Or should I say a massive step forwards.
In the end, what is the result?
We know that over time, no matter how "lucky" we are initially, that the house always wins, and it's not even close.
Then there is the psychological damage it inflicts.
Feeling that we must go back after a winning or losing session.
Having every other thought and idea and well intentioned plan be pushed to the side so that we can get back to our addiction.
Good on you for thinking it through each time and making the right decision for 45 days in a row.
It's a huge temptation I'm sure working where you do.
On the other hand maybe seeing so many people blow so much money every day after giving it up yourself perhaps gives you a new perspective?
Anyway, awesome job, you are an inspiration.
Seeing people walk over and put a tenner in and win a few hundred sometimes makes me a bit twitchy.
It gives you that, that could of been me idea.
But then I guess I could of been the guy before the winner who had to be the loser.
It's all mental and I just need to stay rational.


13 14 15 16 17

You have lost a huge amount of money in slots. Nobody likes to talk about it, and definitely, nobody likes to remember such moments. It can happen not only with a beginner but with a skilled player too. Most likely, you have bet all the money you have on your account, credit card or in cash, maybe you even borrowed some money.


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